What is Empathy? Connect, Imagine, Learn, Listen, and Understand.
What is empathy?
The concept of empathy has been studied by psychologists, biologists, neuroscientists, philosophers, communication scholars, and even marketing experts. There are many definitions and forms of empathy, even within specific academic fields and industries. There is basically no consensus on what empathy is. When scholars or professionals talk about empathy, they often start by defining it.
Instead of selecting just one definition, let’s discuss different forms of empathy and their effectiveness.
Connect through Emotions
Bodily empathy is this emotional connection with other people we have experienced since childhood. It is not limited to humans; other mammals experience it, too. Frans de Waal* was a primatologist at Emory University in Atlanta, GA. He described how humans, primates, and other mammals connect through emotions.
Reference: * Frans de Waal (2013). The Bonobo and the Atheist: In Search of Humanism Among the Primates. W. W. Norton & Company.
The best-known example of a body-to-body connection related to empathy is the so-called yawn contagion. When another person in the room yawns, most of the time, we start yawning, too. It’s an instant reaction at an unconscious level. There are many examples of bodily empathy in our everyday lives.
When we see someone smiling, we’re flooded with positive emotions such as joy or happiness.
When another person experiences an injury, illness, or heartbreak, our facial expressions change automatically, and we start feeling sad or angry. We hug them and cry as if we were going through the same experience ourselves.
We’re deeply and instantly affected by other people’s emotions, which are expressed in their body language, faces, voices, and behaviors.
And it’s not limited to humans. We feel the same emotional connection with other mammals with whom we share our homes. Our dogs and cats are also affected by our emotions, and we are affected by theirs. Sometimes, it’s difficult for our pets to distinguish between their emotions and ours.
As Frans de Waal* described it, “Empathy runs from body to body.” Bodily empathy is a powerful capacity that helps us connect with our loved ones, our neighbors, friends, coworkers, and customers. However, bodily empathy has significant limitations.
Limitations
We are all unique individuals. Our brains are wired differently. We have different strengths and challenges. Each of us has been shaped by different cultures. There are significant neurological and cultural differences between us. As a result, we process and express emotions differently. For example:
Some of us wear our emotions on our sleeve, while others are more reserved.
Gestures have different meanings across cultures.
Some people may find it difficult to read and express emotions through facial expressions.
Those neurological and cultural differences may become an obstacle to this automatic body-to-body connection between humans. Is there another and more effective way to empathize with others?
Imagine Yourself in Their Shoes
Cognitive empathy is understanding what another person is experiencing and thinking. It’s a process that requires conscious and cognitive effort. We may empathize on a conscious level in many different ways.
For example, we can imagine ourselves in the other person’s shoes — imagine what we’d be feeling and thinking if we were in that person’s situation. But is this approach effective?
Limitations
We are all unique individuals with unique strengths, talents, challenges, and needs. Something that is easy to do and enjoyable for us might be difficult and unpleasant for another person. For example:
Because of my recent surgery, I have a hard time lifting an 8-pound box from the floor, which is not a challenge for an average person.
Some of us are great athletes; others are excellent writers.
Some people enjoy loud music, while others find it extremely unpleasant to the point of physical pain.
Some of us feel lonely when home alone, while others find it relaxing and even rejuvenating.
Some avoid risk and change at all costs, while others seek novelty and adventure.
As we can see, putting ourselves in another person’s shoes doesn’t always help us understand that person’s experience and thoughts. This is because of those many differences between us and other people which can result in misunderstanding of their experiences.
So, what can we do to fully and accurately understand what another person is feeling and thinking? We can empathize with them by looking at the world from their perspective. In other words, we can learn about the way the other person experiences and perceives the world.
Learn about Differences
First, learn about the differences between us and that person — the uniqueness of each and every one of us.
We shouldn’t assume that other people will react the same way we do in a specific situation. We have different talents, strengths, challenges, sensitivities, needs, and personalities. Something that is easy to do and enjoyable for us might be difficult and unpleasant for another person. Basically, there are significant neurological, cultural, and personality differences across human beings.
Listen to Understand
Second, listen to the other person and learn about their stories and experiences, their issues and needs. This simple recipe for effective empathy can be summed up in three words: Listen to understand!
By listening to others, we can truly understand the way they experience and perceive the world. And we can then better communicate with our loved ones, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and customers and build successful relationships with them.